We all really liked the first two "Spy Kids" movies. The first one was fabulous, the second one was a bit silly, but still entertaining. When I heard that the third one was going to be inside a video game, my first thought was that it was a cop-out: skip the expensive scenery and stunts and do everything computer-generated. When I heard it was 3D, my expectations went down even more; I have a genetic defect that keeps my eyes from fusing a 3D image, so the effect is wasted on me.
Here's what I found. I thought the movie started well. To my surprise, I found the video game part to be well done; they did a good job of mixing live action with computer generation, and for the first hour, it was semi-believable. Sylvester Stallone surprised me by doing a nice job as the bad guy -- the comic-relief lunatic "Toy Maker", doomed to be locked in a V-R world for some unknown crimes. It was the kind of over-the-top camp that made the first Spy Kids so much fun.
However, two things completely destroy this movie. First, this is a movie about the boy, Juni Cortez, and his grandpa Valentin, played by Ricardo Montalban (who gets a great inside joke about Corinthian leather). Where was Carmen? Alexa Vega MADE the first movie as Carmen Cortez, and she doesn't even appear in this one until well past the half-way point. When she does appear, it is not as part of a kids-against-the-world spy team with Juni, it is as a sullen and dismissive teenager, moony-eyed for Gary Giggles.
Second, and most important, is the idiotic way the movie ends. After working through the video game and reaching "game over", I was ready for the big moral wrap-up and the closing credits. Instead, they chose to have a completely insipid ten minute sequence of "humans battling huge robots", that seems to have been designed for the express purpose of giving cameo roles to Dad, Mom, Grandma, Uncle Felix, and Machete, NONE of whom appear at all in the rest of the movie. These people are supposed to be spies with cool toys, not superheroes, as they are portrayed here. It was just painfully stupid.
Even worse were the ending credits, which mention (in this order) Antonio Banderas (Dad), who has about 60 seconds of screen time, then Carla Gugino (Mom), who has about 30 seconds of screen time, then Alexa Vega (Carmen), who has about 20 minutes of screen time, and only then Daryl Sabara (Juni), who is on screen for the entire movie. Sabara should get himself a different agent. Banderas and Gugino should have been in the fine print as cameos, because that's really what they were.
The movie made me angry, partly because it was an outrageous attempt to exploit the franchise with stupid gimmicks instead of an actual plot line, and partly because of the manipulative way the "adults" from the first two movies forced themselves into the credits through a boneheaded closing sequence more appropriate for a Japanese Godzilla remake.
I fear this represents the end of the Spy Kids line, and that's a shame, because the concept is a good one.
